As I was frantically running around the house this morning... I stopped and looked at my kids just patiently (yeah.. ok.) standing at the front door waiting for me to drive them to school. Let's take this simple exercise and switch gears here... what were they thinking? So... this is what I came up with. I'm assuming this would be what would come out of their mouths if they had their own blog or advice column: (However without Mehri taking a creative writing class...that most likely will never happen. ;))
So here we go....
I hear a lot of parents complaining that they can’t manage to get out of the house on time to get their kids to school. And by “a lot of parents” I mean mine. Of course all the bitching is usually aimed at the kid, when in fact it’s the moms and dads that can’t get their shit together.
If your morning routine becomes a daily F.U.B.A.R. take our advice…
1) Make mom lay out her work clothes the night before. Listening to someone whining they have ”nothing to wear” is beyond irritating. Here’s a tip: Who gives a shit what you wear?! Nobody at your job is checking your ass out. And if you’re trying to ‘dress to impress’ you can give that a rest too…you’re a mom now, chances of you getting a promotion is pretty much nil.
2) Make sure they have their cellphone before leaving the house
You’d think they shoved it out of their own whoo-hoo…that’s how attached moms are to their cellphone. No matter how close you get to your school if that dummy forgot their “smart phone” you’ll be heading back home to look for it. Then you get to sit on the couch and watch while they tear apart the house and desperately “call” it from their land line AKA that other phone they never, ever use.
3) DON’T let them turn on their computer
Parents CANNOT keep track of time if they have their laptop open. Period. If you have any hope of leaving the house unplug their power source, type randomly on their keyboard or threaten to light yourself on fire. If they still won’t look up, make use of your down time and smear your mom’s favorite Body Shop lotion all over your baby dolls.
4.) Keys should be in the same place every time. Serioulsy.. you lost them again?
You'd think by now, parents would know after they unlock the front door, to set their keys in the SAME PLACE each time. But no. Here's a thought... use the little hook thing you bought for KEYS. I don't know where they are... and no... I didn't hide them.
Basic principles. Learn them... use them. I'm sick of the craziness!
Kids. Like they know everything. :)
So here we go....
I hear a lot of parents complaining that they can’t manage to get out of the house on time to get their kids to school. And by “a lot of parents” I mean mine. Of course all the bitching is usually aimed at the kid, when in fact it’s the moms and dads that can’t get their shit together.
If your morning routine becomes a daily F.U.B.A.R. take our advice…
1) Make mom lay out her work clothes the night before. Listening to someone whining they have ”nothing to wear” is beyond irritating. Here’s a tip: Who gives a shit what you wear?! Nobody at your job is checking your ass out. And if you’re trying to ‘dress to impress’ you can give that a rest too…you’re a mom now, chances of you getting a promotion is pretty much nil.
2) Make sure they have their cellphone before leaving the house
You’d think they shoved it out of their own whoo-hoo…that’s how attached moms are to their cellphone. No matter how close you get to your school if that dummy forgot their “smart phone” you’ll be heading back home to look for it. Then you get to sit on the couch and watch while they tear apart the house and desperately “call” it from their land line AKA that other phone they never, ever use.
3) DON’T let them turn on their computer
Parents CANNOT keep track of time if they have their laptop open. Period. If you have any hope of leaving the house unplug their power source, type randomly on their keyboard or threaten to light yourself on fire. If they still won’t look up, make use of your down time and smear your mom’s favorite Body Shop lotion all over your baby dolls.
4.) Keys should be in the same place every time. Serioulsy.. you lost them again?
You'd think by now, parents would know after they unlock the front door, to set their keys in the SAME PLACE each time. But no. Here's a thought... use the little hook thing you bought for KEYS. I don't know where they are... and no... I didn't hide them.
Basic principles. Learn them... use them. I'm sick of the craziness!
Kids. Like they know everything. :)
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