patience is......

If you don't know this about me already.... I’m the sort of person who likes things to happen quickly.  Like right now... this second.  I don't like to wait... ever.  I like things to be a certain way, and my kids to listen to me.  Simple.... right?  You'd think.

Ok... so “Patience” is definitely something I need to work on and really has never been part of my genetic makeup.  But, as I get older, I’m learning that the most important things in life take time – and often a LOT of effort.  Learning to be patient takes time, and somewhat paradoxically, it takes patience to learn to be patient.  I know... you're all laughing at me.... cause you KNOW just writing about being patient is irritating to me.  Ok.. deep breath.

Good things take time.... and as much as I don't enjoy waiting for ANYTHING... I'm stepping back and am promising myself to try to be more patient with myself and others around me.  Really.  My kids are my biggest patience tester, so I've come up with a plan.....let me know if you think it'll work. 

Count to 10. When I feel myself getting frustrated or angry, I'm gong to stop. Count slowly to 10 in my head.  I'm thinking if I count out loud to 10, my kids will learn quickly that this is a good sign to run away.  Either way is a win.

Pretend someone’s watching. I forgot where I read this tip (a couple places, I think), but I think it may be effective. I'm going to pretend I have an audience... like Johnny Depp.  I think I'd be less likely to overreact if someone’s there watching my every move.  Especially a sexy pirate.

Take a break. Often it’s best just to walk away for a few minutes. I'm going to take a break from the situation, just for 5-10 minutes, let myself calm down, plan out my words and actions and solution, and then come back calm as a monk.  (ok you..... Stop laughing.... )

Lastly.... Just laugh. Sometimes I need to remind myself that no one is perfect, (I most CERTAINLY am not!) that life should be fun — and funny. Smile, laugh, be happy.  I really do love to laugh.... so if you're going to irritate me...make sure you're funny.  :)

For life's BIGGER patience testers... I'm going to try to just try to remind myself of things that make me happy.  Like sunshine, Disney and my awesome family and friends.  If that doesn't work... my best advice to you...... just run.

wow.... it's been that long?

ok ok... it's 2012 and over a month since I've written anything.  Ya know... excuses excuses.  I could make up a million... and they'd all be pretty convincing.  Truth of the matter is...... yeah.... I've got nothin.


Those that know me are well aware that I thrive on procrastination.  I love doing things last minute... thrive on pressure.  Have been this way FOREVER.  Drives most absolutely crazy... yet intrigues them as well as to how I'm always able to pull stuff off without a hitch.  It's a talent... don't try it at home until you've mastered the art.  I've had my pitfalls... but with a positive attitude and a lot of smoke and mirrors.. I've become pretty good at it.

So let's talk about this.... procrastination.  Good or bad?


The most impressive people I know are all terrible procrastinators. So could it be that procrastination isn't always bad?

I looked online and most people who write about procrastination write about how to cure it. But this is, strictly speaking, impossible. There are an infinite number of things you could be doing. No matter what you work on, you're not working on everything else. So the question is not how to avoid procrastination, but how to procrastinate well.

So the way I look at it... there are three variants of procrastination, depending on what you do instead of working on something: you could work on (a) nothing, (b) something less important, or (c) something more important. That last type, I'd argue, is good procrastination.


That's the sense in which the most impressive people I know are all procrastinators. They're "C" procrastinators: they put off working on small stuff to work on big stuff.  What's "small stuff?" Roughly, work that has zero chance of being mentioned in your obituary. It's hard to say at the time what will turn out to be your best work (will it be your magnum opus on Sumerian temple architecture, or the detective thriller you wrote under a pseudonym?), but there's a whole class of tasks you can safely rule out: shaving, doing your laundry, cleaning the house, writing thank-you notes—anything that might be called an errand.so.... procrastination is good for your health.  And here's why:

Don’t Stress For Long - Instead of being stressed out about a deadline the day you get it, procrastinate and ball all the stress into one single night right before the due date. Why stress out for six days when you can stress out for one?

Nobody Likes a Worry-Wart - I mean, we all have our freak-out moments, but try to minimize them by getting the stress out of the way in one night and one night only.

More Time During The Day - By procrastinating you have more time to do the other things you need to do to get through the day. You know, things around the house. Throw some parties or go on a road trip.

Do The Work Later - Enjoying life now is more fun than enjoying it when you’re old and decrepit. Your body will thank you for not becoming all wrinkly and fidgety when you’re old. Plus your body can handle more strenuous activities when you’re young – like hang gliding, cliff diving, bungee jumping, kayaking, and ski diving.  I do them all the time!

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait - Hey, maybe you’ll win the lottery in the time you spent avoiding work.

Stress And Anxiety Cause Acne - It’s science. Look it up!

I know you're all shaking your heads (SMH! :)) and wondering if I should be on some type of anti- delusional medication.  Bottom line is.. I like being last minute.  I love starting dinner for 10 at 4:00 and kinda still not have the menu totally planned.  Throwing it all together at the last minute is refreshing... and FUN!  The fact of the matter is that we live in a go-go-go society where everyone is expected to be constantly running from one place to another, multi-tasking and working overtime. Our brains simply get tired out. MY worst procrastination occurs when I'm overtired and overstressed, which might indicate something. Could it be that avoiding work is the mind's way of telling us to slow down? Finding yourself vegging out in front of a stupid movie when you ought to be working on a last minute report is a good indication that you might need to stop cramming so much into your day. Saying no.... can be a good thing.

Bottom line... Procrastinating isn't bad. Avoiding the bigger issue to clear away the debris of a noisy mind is a positive and healthy thing to do. It'll make it a lot easier to start with the bigger things..... tomorrow. :)

candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup....

I think sometimes we underestimate the power of a smile.  A smile is so simple, yet so powerful.  I've found I smile a lot... maybe too much sometimes.  It just naturally happens when I'm happy!

Now... for those of you that don't smile a lot.. you may need to practice.  If you do, make sure you do it when you're alone.  You don't want to look like a creeper or a crazy loonatic.  :)  But remember... there's a smile and there's a SMILE.  Smile with your eyes... make it genuine.  Make it YOUR smile.

My friend Google found these little facts for me.  If you smile more often....

People will be attracted to you – I don’t mean sexually (well, maybe that too), but people will feel drawn to your energy. When you smile more, you will carry an aura and poise that will draw people to you. People will look forward to being around you, knowing only that they feel great around you. People on the street, at work, your friends etc. We all like and want to be around happy and cheerful people, right?

Optimistic – You’ll feel more positive about yourself and the world.

Happiness & Joy – A smile is an expression of happiness and joy in you. Like an upward spiral, a smile will boost the happiness you feel.

Healthy – A smile can affect your internal state, which can have physiological impact on your physical and mental health.

Approachable – A smile is so welcoming and will make people feel more at ease.

Making Other People Happy – A smile has the power to make other people feel good about themselves. It’s heart-warming and has the power to cheer up others instantly.

Smiles Are Contagious – Others can quickly and easily catch it and will experience the above ‘side effects’

So... SMILE. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.  :)

be your best self....

Each year that passes.. I say this more and more:  "Time goes too fast."  It's one of the things you can't stop.  Something that will pass you by if you let it... and there's no getting any of it back... ever. 

“Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drown your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” – Steve Jobs 

How do you feel about your life today? Are you living every day in exuberance? Do you love what you’re doing? Are you excited every single moment? Are you looking forward to what’s coming up next? Are you living your best life?

If your answer to any of the above is a no, maybe or not sure, that means you’re not living your life to the fullest. Which really shouldn’t be the case, because your life experience is up to you to create. 

So I sit here and think.  How do I do that?  It's not easy to let go of the daily routine that takes up every last second of my day. (Especially during Cookie Sale time!) So I searched... and found a few ideas I thought might be fun to share.  

1. Live every day on a fresh new start.  Don’t be held back by what happened yesterday, the day before, the week before, the year before, and so on.

2. Be true to who you are. Stop trying to please other people or be someone else. It’s better to be an original version of yourself than an exact duplicate of someone else.

3. Quit complaining. Don’t be like the howling dog, always howling and never doing anything. Stop complaining about your problems and work on them instead.

4. Rather than think “what if”, think “next time”. Don’t think about things you can’t change (namely what has happened and thoughts of other people) or unhappy things because these are disempowering. Instead focus on the things you can action upon. That’s the most constructive thing you can do in any situation.

5.Live more consciously each day. Stop sleepwalking through life. Your life is something to be experienced, not coasted through.

6. Do the things you love, because life is too precious to spend it doing anything else. If you don’t enjoy something, then don’t do it. Spend your time and energy on things that bring you fulfillment and happiness.

7.Let go of attachments. Don’t fixate yourself with a certain status, fame, wealth or material possessions. These are impermanent and will ultimately disappear one day when you die. Focus on growing and living life to the fullest instead.

8. Let go of relationships that do not serve you. That means negative people, dishonest people, people who don’t respect you, people are overly critical and relationships that prevent you from growing.

9. Spend more time with people who enable you. Hang out with people who you compatible with, like-minded people, people who are positive, successful, strong achievers and positive for your growth. You are after all the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

10. Do a kind deed a day. What is something you can do today that will make the world a better place? Go and do it.

So as you read this today, and you think you're not living your life to the fullest.. pick a couple of these things and go.  Cause after all, what's a day worth if you don't spend it smiling?  And if you chose to do just one... pick #10.  :)

kindness.

Today, I had a situation arise where one of my volunteers was angry.  She didn't like the situation she had to deal with... so she became nasty and started yelling.  At me and everyone around me.

Now those of you that know me... know how much I love nasty people.  Not.At. All.  I will never ever understand how people can be so mean. So, in the face of adversity, I chose to take the high road.  In the scheme of all that is real, is it really worth it to get upset with trivial things?  Nope.  

Now don't get me wrong, I had a few choice words for her... in my head. (And MAYBE out loud to my closest friends....) However, I kept smiling and killed her with kindness.  I'm sure it drove her completely insane, but... who knows.  She may have gone home a little happier than when she drove into the parking lot and almost ran me over with her car.  (Ok... Yes, I'm exaggerating.)

I don't care what people say.. it pays to be nice.

Now I’m no angel. Sometimes I do things that I’m not so proud of. For instance, I get frustrated with "customer service" and sometimes take it out on the person on the other line who has nothing to do with my problem. They’re just doing their job, directing me to someone else who can help me (so they say), but then I get redirected and redirected over and over again, and before you know it, I find myself upset with someone who did nothing wrong. 

I realize that this might make some people think you aren’t being genuinely nice if one does it hoping to gain something from the experience. However, the way I see it, everyone wins in this scenario. Studies have shown that it pays to be nice and that greater rewards come out of treating people well. 

However, if you can’t bring yourself to be nice for the sake of the other parties involved think of these reasons: 

Do you want your legacy to be that you were a jerk? (Plain and simple!)  Out of all the things you do in your life, people will remember the most how you treated fellow human beings. 

Secondly, life is too short to be nasty person. Do you really want to look back on your life and only remember treating people badly? Most likely not.

In the end, even those who treat you like you wouldn’t want to be treated MAY just change their tune if you send a little sunshine in their direction.  So smile.  And just be nice.  :)  

dance in the rain.....

It's been raining here in Buffalo since Saturday. It's dreary, cold and miserable. BUT... "Life is not waiting for a storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain." ~Vivanne Grenne

Many people believe they can only enjoy life to the fullest when they have a lot of money, are in a wonderfully romantic relationship, have a successful career, etc. Not so! Consider this: money does not buy happiness, it only makes misery more comfortable.

We do not have to wait for something or someone to 'happen to us' for us to feel worthy and capable of feeling happiness. In fact, until now, that way of thinking has allowed countless opportunities for happiness and positive personal growth to pass us by.

True happiness is not found in the 'whens' of life, it is found within us and is within our reach, here, now, today. If we learn to value and have a good relationship with ourselves, feel competent, (and be there for others), then we have what we need to enjoy life right now. Having the willingness to be open to new and different ways of viewing ourselves and embracing our ability to adapt to changes, (which are bound to occur), are vital to the process of finding and sustaining happiness.

Will we feel happy all of the time? No. However, next time you see clouds on the horizon, you can choose not to grumble about the impending storm. Instead, you can choose to enjoy it and view this as an opportunity to think, feel and do something differently.

Think about this: When we are young, dancing in the rain is fun and a perfectly acceptable form of behavior. I say it still is; both literally and metaphorically.

My friend Amy gave me a copy of this story a few years ago, and I think about it often whenever life gets me down.


The Trouble Tree

I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and after he had just finished a rough first day on the job, a flat tire made him lose an hour of work & his electric drill quit, his ancient one ton truck refused to start. As I drove him home, he sat in stony silence.

On arriving he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. Upon opening the door he had undergone an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do at the little tree.

"Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, those troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home and ask God to take care of them. Then in the morning I pick them up again." Funny thing is," he smiled", when I come out in the morning to pick them up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before."

So, plant yourself a trouble tree outside your front door-and use it whenever you come home. Be grateful that you have loved ones to go home to, even if your loved one is simply your beloved dog or cherished cat or prized goldfish.

And when you pick up your troubles on the way out each morning, be grateful that they're not as heavy as they were the night before.

Oh... and learn to dance in the rain. :)

my friends are my estate..... :)

As I sit and look at my "friends" list on Facebook... I wonder to myself... do I really have 220 friends?  Granted, some of them are my family.... but seriously... 220?  I don't think so.


So I looked for the definition of a true friend... and I found this:

A good friend will tell you what you want to hear.
A true friend will always tell the truth.

A good friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A true friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A good friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A true friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A good friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed.
A true friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A good friend wonders about your romantic history.
A true friend could blackmail you with it.

A good friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A true friend calls you after you had a fight.

A good friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A true friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A good friend has never seen you cry.
A true friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A good friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A true friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A good friend expects you to always be there for them.
A true friend expects to always be there for you.




I can put faces of my friends in each of these scenarios.  But how do you attract and keep true friends?  It's Simple: 

• First and foremost.... Be the friend you wish to have.  Simple.  
• Listen.  The art of listening is one of the most difficult arts to master.... a true friend always listens... and not just hears.
• Trust. If you treat others as good and trustworthy people, they will treat you likewise. Believe in your heart that people are naturally good, even when they seem to be the opposite. People will feel how you believe in them.
• Know the right time to do things. Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over. ~Gloria Naylor
  
  
  There are so many more things that I could say... but I'm sure you get the point.  Friendship is a very special gift,  one I used to take for granted.  In reality, friendship is a form of unconditional love.  It's given without restriction, without condition and without the expectation of anything in return.  Those of you who are true friends in my life... know it.  You're loyal and love me for who I am.... craziness and all.  Why?  Because you know I'm there for you night and day... with open arms for a hug, a true listening ear... and Girl Scout cookies.  :)