to do...

I’m a woman at her best with a To-Do list. I have itemized lists everywhere... for my dream house remodel, Christmas presents to buy, personal goals for de-stressing my life and Summer Camps To Look Into 2013. I recently read that the human brain is only capable of remembering seven things at once: hence, the brilliance of a To-Do List. If you write it down, you’re more likely to remember to do it. (So they say.)

After this weekend... I’m needing a To Do list on what to do with my kids. Trust me when I say, it’s not a joke. The experts are right. We need to raise less sucky kids. And it’s all in the parenting.

Sooooo.....

My TO DO LIST: Raise kids who don’t suck in the future

1.) Force them to make dinner for whole family once a month. Teaches independence, resourcefulness and how to a use a knife & tourniquet.


2.) Resist ALL temptations to double-knot sneaker laces. Buy a box of band aids for skinned knees caused by tripping. Know that skinned knees heal but kids who don’t feel in control of their own wardrobe malfunctions do not.


3.) Throw away one toy from the playroom when anyone says “I’m bored.” Reinforce in a calm voice, “Don’t be upset. You said yourself it wasn't fun to play with anymore.” Do not pick it out of the trashcan later than night.


4.) Don’t pay allowance for household chores (unless someone pays you to unload the dishwasher, throw used tissues in the trash or make your own bed). Teaches civic & community responsibility. Also teaches that they’ll need a very good education if they want to afford a college-graduate as a maid.


5.) Insist that the kids play outdoors all day on Sunday. Then, insist they clean up all the toys they left in the yard. Then, tell them to put the toys back “EXACTLY” where they found them. Encourages creative play, responsibility for own actions and dealing with OCD bosses and co-workers.


6.) Resist ALL urges to pick up the eraser and show child “That this is what you mean when you say erase it properly.” Same goes for the computer (“This is what you mean by editing the run-on paragraph into a few solid, coherent sentences”). Teaches everyone that 42 year olds have better ways to spend their time than doing 5th grade level homework.


7.) When child is reading silently on the sofa, walk over to the sofa and say, “May I sit here and read next to you?” Read silently for 20 minutes. OR. If reading silently on the sofa and child comes over and interrupts in any way (other than for something that involves blood), say, “Why don’t we read silently next to each other for 20 minutes?” Enjoy the closeness. Enjoy the independence. And enjoy reading a book that isn’t about the stresses of child rearing. If you can accomplish this, then it appears you’re on the right track to raising kids who don’t suck by parents who are to blame.

A few things I've learned....

No matter how much good advice you give to your friends for or against something they are never going to fully listen and will always go with what they want.

Negative thoughts and actions DO effect how you think and feel about yourself. They are unhealthy and should be crushed.

No matter what, even if I stop writing for months, the writer in me can never die.

Friends come and go, but there will be a few that you truly love like family and will never leave you no matter how far apart you grow.

Everybody (including the absolute worst of us) is a human just like you. Unless they are aliens dressed up as humans and trying to run the US. Then they are those instead. :)

Making yourself happy should come first or else you won't be able to please anyone else.

Gifts and charm ALWAYS work.

Being a door mat is never fun, or sexy, or interesting or healthy.

Gender roles are completely constructed. Ignore them.

Empathy and sympathy are not the same thing. Both should be used with caution, but not ignored. They are sometimes necessary.

Don't be afraid to argue or disagree a little. Cause it's fun n'shit.

Don't judge or hate strangers when you don't know their story.

Don't hate rude people because they can't behave respectfully. Just be as nice and cheerful as possible to put them at shame for their unseemly behavior.

Smile and laugh, don't be afraid to joke around. I usually don't take stuff too seriously.

Don't think you can't do something because it becomes true and tortures you.

One must always be interesting. I hate boring. I hate being bored. I lose patience quickly.


Okay, so maybe some of these I'm still working on.... :)

mommyhood.

I read this confession a friend posted on Facebook before I fell asleep last night:

“I really, truly, honestly wish someone–ANYONE–would have told me what it was really like having kids. Before I had them.”

Well... I can safely say it's too late for that person, but for all you yet-to-be-mothers out there who really want to know what it’s like, I’m going to do my very best to describe motherhood for you.

Here it goes.

• Motherhood is middle of the night wake up calls for a glass of water or a fan or a light or a blanket or a bear or a kiss or a band-aid.
• Motherhood is making lunch after lunch after lunch after lunch only to find the healthy contents still in the lunch bag when they return home.
• Motherhood is all of your spending money.
• Motherhood is not remembering what it’s like to get a full night’s sleep.
• Motherhood is wiping more poop than you ever thought you’d see in your life.
• Motherhood is hearing the word “why” at least a hundred times a day and most of the time, not having an answer.
• Motherhood is knowing, just from the touch of a forehead, almost exactly what your child’s temperature is.
• Motherhood is stretch marks on your belly, feet a full size larger than before and sad, deflated boobs.
• Motherhood is finally appreciating your own mother.
• Motherhood is fantasizing over reaching the bottom of the laundry pile, knowing full well that it’s never going to happen.
• Motherhood is singing all the words to your kids favorite songs even though they annoy the hell out of you.  (This includes "Call me Maybe"... ;))
• Motherhood is never feeling at peace unless all of your children are with you, under your own roof.
• Motherhood is always feeling mildly sick but never being able to wallow in your own misery.  Ever.
• Motherhood is never peeing or showering in peace.
• Motherhood is using your sleeves to wipe runny noses and your spit to clean dirty faces.
• Motherhood is being able to identify just who is coming down the stairs based solely on the thudding of their feet above you.
• Motherhood is not even wanting to say “I told you so” even though you did, countless times.
• Motherhood is when, just as you want to curl up into a ball of pure exhaustion and desperation, one of your children suddenly farts or burps or does something spontaneously funny. It’s the moment when you dissolve into a hysterical fit of laughter; the kind that you haven’t had since you and your seventh grade BFF were caught passing notes about which boy in your class you’d most want to be stuck in a closet with. It’s the moment you pause and look at your children, all piled on your bed, breathless and rosy cheeked, and think that the only things that really matter in the world are right there in front of you. They are yours, and they are worth every sacrifice and sleepless night.
• And then, it’s the moment, two seconds later, when one of them will accidentally kick the other one in the face... and the other will bite in retaliation and you will wish...for the hundredth time that day... that you could just rewind time and savor that peace and joy for more than an instant.

Rinse and repeat a million times.

that getting older thing....

It's my daughter's 10th birthday in a few weeks.  And for some reason... that makes me feel old.  I remember when she was born thinking... when she's 10.. I'll be 42 (almost 43!)  Yikes.  Time really does go by quickly.  Here it is 2012.  And I'm 42.  Almost 43. I'm not too sure I'm ready.  I don't want to get any older!  Let me tell you a few observations that have been flipping through my brain as of late:

While watching “Moneyball,” I spent most of the movie cheering on Brad Pitt’s deep forehead wrinkles because if Brad can pull off his then clearly I'm pulling off mine.

When my children ask if me if I would take them swimming at the Aquatic Center, my first thought is “Damn it, I’ll need to wax.”  My second thought is “Where can I buy a suit with one of those skirts attached?”

I spend an inordinate amount of time massaging cream on the backs of my hands because I read somewhere that you can tell a woman’s real age by the look of her hands (and not her smooth-as-ice, botoxed-forehead).  Sure.  I remember my grandma’s hands.  Dry and bony and so NOT what’s going to happen to mine.

When I see a young mother struggling with her young children at the grocery store, I resist the urge to say, “You’ll look back on these years with such longing.  They grow up so quickly” because I thought those women were crazy.   And annoying.   And clueless.  Then, you say it.   Because it’s SO true.

I’ve stopped ranting against the Kardashian sisters and Snooki because I know it’s just a matter of time before they go the way of Paris Hilton and ah, how I'’ll enjoy the ensuing moments of dignified quiet.  That is, until they’re replaced by the next crop of media-whoring, sorry-excuse-for-a-role-model-to-young-women ladies scrambling to grace the cover of OK! Magazine.   And yes, I did just say whoring.  And I meant it.

I use inappropriate words without remorse because I’ve seen enough bullshit to last me the next forty two years... and some days, I just want to call a clown “a clown”and a donkey “an ass.”  Even when the circus ain’t in town.

I panic when I enter a bookstore.  So many books.  So little time.

At the doctor’s office, I not only read the articles about 50+ year old actresses lamenting the loss of strong, sexy roles with a sense of dread and foreboding, but I find myself slathering on more hand cream as I read.

I can’t stop using the expression, “That’s ’cause you know where your bread is buttered.”    Not sure why.  But it works.  In so many contexts.

A day of lugging cases and cases of Girl Scout cookies around hurts at night.  A bottle of wine hurts in the morning.  But kisses and hugs make it all better.  And 5 tablets of Motrin.

What not to do on a Sunday night.....

1.) Don’t drink a latte at 8:30 pm. You’ll regret it at 2 am.

2.) Ummmm.... Oops.

3.) Find ways to amuse yourself quietly so as not to wake anyone.

4.) Don't log on to Facebook and Pinterest. One can get lost for hours there.. however I now have a ton of bookmarked pages for holiday decor.

5.) Do surf a lot of shoe sites.

6.) Don’t give yourself a European bikini wax.

7.) Ever!

8.) Do pull out the first chapter of your incomplete novel from the armoire.

9.) Don’t read it.

10.) Do curse Hemingway, King, Seuss and any other damn prolific writer you’ve heard someone praise.

11.) Do read your past blog posts and tell yourself you’re not a terrible writer. Not really. You’ve got potential. Kinda.

12.) Don’t wonder if your followers are only following you because they’re your friends and they’re afraid you’ll know when they unfollow you and then, wow, won’t that be awkward at the next Christmas Cookie swap party.

13.) Don't watch Infomericals. I am in awe of the sheer amount of Ah-Maz-Ing products out there that I never knew existed. For instance, how in the world have I lived my whole life without using InstaHang? I mean, I have spent years hanging pictures with a plain old hammer and nails. Never again my friend! And I really think the Hypnosis Weight Loss program is going to be what finally does the trick for me. Seriously, those 'actual customers' said it really worked for them. I'm a believer!

14.) Do know that you’re screwed in three hours when the kids come and ask you to make their lunches because it really will be morning time.

15.) Don’t post that blog list you dashed off in a moment of 2 am inspiration ’cause anything that seems witty at 2:44 am is certainly not witty at 10 am.

16.) Oops.

Candy will make me dumb?

The newest “As if I don’t have enough on my plate already” scientific study was out earlier this year.  Let me save you the 7 minutes to read it.

Eating anything made with processed sugar (in the form of corn syrup) messes up your brain function.

Yup.  They have the rats to prove it.  You eat sugar?  You an idiot.  Say yes to that slice o’ birthday cake?  Might as well let them take a swing at your head with the pinata stick.  Coca Cola?  One-way ticket to failing out of college.  Banana Split?  You be one dumb monkey.

So, let’s add it to our list, shall we?

THINGS TO DO to be smarter & healthier:

1.)  Exercise every day

Oops.  Meant to take that power walk but there’s so much on my To Do list.   I swear, I’ll show up at the gym tomorrow.  And maybe I won’t be late.  Or have to leave early.

2.)  Sleep 7 – 8 hours every night

Well, started reading email before going to bed, then surfed web for an hour, then my daughter started talking in her sleep and there's a Three's Company marathon on at 3 am....

3.)  Drink 6 – 8 glasses of water every day

What’s the word on drinking out of a BPA-laden plastic water bottle that sat in a hot, sunny car all week?  Another cup of coffee, anyone?

4.)  Eat fruit and veggies every day

On no.  Forgot to buy them at the Farmer’s Market.  And I didn’t wash them.  Wait, I did wash them but, oh no, the tap water has higher-than-recommended concentrations of arsenic.    Is that bad?

5.)  Find time to relax, get calm and “do nothing”

So, it appears that while meditating, I forgot to pick up the kids from the bus-stop, swing by the grocery store to buy dinner, return that phone call to my boss, and book the plane tickets for spring break and oh, no, doesn’t Mehri have an orthodontist appointment??  Shit, shit, shit.

6.)  Don’t consume caffeine, sugar, alcohol, drugs or cigarettes

You see, I was at Wegmans the other night and in that lovely "Nature Section" they only sell things that are good for you (right?) and yeah, I just walked through the kitchen to get a glass of a water and there was a tub of Wegmans chocolate-covered raisins and yeah, what I need now is a little sugar-pick-me-up.  Who wouldn’t shove a handful into their mouth?  No one’s watching, right?  Oh no.   What’s happening?  My list isn’t done but me no ‘member how to typ…

who do I want to be when I grow up?

My Daughter:  “Mom, of all the famous ladies alive now, who do you like the most?

Me:  “Oh, that’s hard to say.”

My Daughter:  “But if you had to choose.  Who do you love?”

Me:   “Does she have to be famous?”

My Daughter:  “Yes.  Or else you’ll say ‘Me.’ ”

Me:  “Famous to me or famous to everyone?”

My Daughter:  “Famous like on those magazines you read."
Me:   “Can I choose different parts from different ladies?”

My Daughter:  “That’s not the game.  But.  Okay, fine.  And you have to choose ONLY ONE who you want to be when you get older.  Those are the rules.”

Ok... let 's play!

_____________________________________________________

Some Famous Alive Ladies & Their Part(s) I Really Like

*

Tina Fey

Her perfect funny and perfect nose.  Both are sharp and pointed.

*

J. K. Rowling

Her copious, creative writing skills.  (LOVE that creative writing!)  870 pages in one volume?  And kids read all of them?  The first twenty pages of my “great American love story” have taken me four years to write.  And no one wants to read them.  Trust me on this.

*

Michelle Obama

Her seriously awesome “Don’t Fuck with me” thing.  In a gorgeous State Dinner gown or a “growing your own organics” stained sweatshirt, I wish I could exude that kind of scary.   Oops.  I meant to say, ‘Her “Don’t Fool with me” thing.’  Sorry.... my mouth.

*

 Arianna Huffington

Her accent, perfectly-coiffed hair and reasonable “Left-Right-And-Center” comments.  But mainly, for her accent.

*

Julie Andrews

Her cross-generational If-that’s-singing-then-I-want-to-do-singing inspiration.   There’s nothing sweeter than hearing Mehri or Darya lull themselves to sleep with “those songs that the lady sings in that mountain movie.”  It’s one of my favorite things.

*

Meryl Streep

Her grace at being the most talented woman in the room.  No one wants to see her trip up (or down) the steps.  Not even other women.

*

Hilary Clinton

Her enigmatic ambition.  Clearly she’s smart and driven but otherwise, impossible to define.  Actually, I don’t think I want to be like her but I'd love to be a fly on her wall!

*

Oprah Winfrey

Her wealth.  Billions.  Self-made.   She wields the same kind of influence as a dozen male Forbes billionaires.  What woman doesn’t want that?

*

Ellen DeGeneres

Her next-door neighborliness.  Self-deprecating but not insecure.  Up-on-gossip but not catty.  Smart but not arrogant.   She makes you want to bake a bundt cake.   That’s good for America.

*

Madonna

Her deep, unrelenting love of herself.  Every woman should love herself this much.  Just think about the problems we could solve if all women around the world felt as good about themselves as she does.

*

One Alive Lady Who I’d Like To Be When I Get Older

 *

Betty White

Because of her charmed octogenarian life.  When I’m 80, I want to be that involved in the world around me, even if it’s just doing fun stuff.  Wait.  She’s 90?!   Well then, it’s settled.  I SO want to be Betty White when I grow up.

I wish I was a Mermaid...

On days like these, I think I’d do the trade.  I’d go Mermaid.  No wait, hear me out.  I’ve thought it through:

1.)  NO TALKING

Mer-people don’t talk.  Neither do fish.  That means no phones calls, no sales pitches, no one calling for donations, no apologies for forgetting friends’ birthdays, no “how many times have I told you” rhetorical questions to kids under 9, and no inane grocery-line small talk.  I’m a mermaid.  I just nod and smile.  I can’t hear you under water.

2.)  NO ELECTRONICS

Anything with a cord would be suicidal.  I live in water, for god’s sake.  That means no bedside alarm clock to wake me at 6 am.  No computer.  No cell-phone.  No printer that keeps on jamming.  No rice maker that overcooks the rice.  No Facebook photos.  No Linked In resume.  No tweets from Johnny Depp.  I’m a mermaid.  I use a hairdryer to bat off sharks.

3.)  NO COOKING 

Sushi every night, right?  No food shopping.  No recipe books.  No standing in front of the refrigerator.  No washing, chopping, sautéing, stir-frying or steaming.  No ham sandwiches to make.  No crock pots to figure out.   No loading dishwashers in a symmetrical pattern.  No coffee beans to grind.  I’m a mermaid.  I make coffee out of seaweed and sand.  I have a trained seal deliver it to me.

4.) NO DIETING

No beauty magazines.  No 24-hour gyms.  No feeling bad about that power-walk that I didn’t take.  The only liposuction happening is with that kinky octopus from the Gulf.  Have you ever seen a fat mermaid?  How ’bout one with loopy breasts?  No more sucking in my stomach because I did eat all the bread in the basket and now, my jeans don’t fit.   My scales are flexible.  I’m a mermaid.  I’m the most beautiful creature a drunk sailer has ever seen.

5.) NO HARD THINKING

You never see a mermaid with a book.  Or wearing glasses.  They swim.  They brush their hair.  They eat some fish.  They play with some porpoises. They occasionally help save a cute man from a sunken ship.  They probably sleep 12 – 14 hours a night.   No teaching myself new technologies.  No trying to figure out digital marketing.  No wondering how I could be a better parent.  No teaching my kid Math or helping map out Tanzania on her multi-cultural poster.   I’m a mermaid.  I just sit on a rock and try not to cringe when the surf sprays in my face.

6.)  NO HARD LIVING

If I’m a mermaid, I don’t own a vacuum, Windex, tweezers or band aids.  My house is a shell so I know nothing about dust mites, mold and allergies.  There’s no traffic (other than the occasional feeding frenzy) so I never have to check online before I leave the house.  There are no watches so I’m never late.  No poorly situated keyboards so my right shoulder never hurts.  Mer-children never bicker with each other.  Mer-babies never cry.  Actually, mer-infants, mer-toddlers and mer-elementary school kids don’t require a responsible adult.  It’s parenting by osmosis and new crops of perfect, well-behaved, well-trained mer-people arrive generation-after-generation in full-form.  There are no mer-careers, mer-feminists, mer-Tea Partiers, mer-stay-at-home-Moms, mer-Celebrities (well, except for that red-headed one but she went Liz Taylor so no one sees her anymore).  There’s nothing to think about when everyone is the same (except for your choice in hair color).  I have no worries.  I’m a mermaid.  People like to paint pictures of me.  And I’m friends with Peter Pan.

See what I’m talking about?    It’s not a bad trade when you have one of those kind of days.... 

from a kid's perspective..

As I was frantically running around the house this morning... I stopped and looked at my kids just patiently (yeah.. ok.) standing at the front door waiting for me to drive them to school.  Let's take this simple exercise and switch gears here... what were they thinking?  So... this is what I came up with.  I'm assuming this would be what would come out of their mouths if they had their own blog or advice column:  (However without Mehri taking a creative writing class...that most likely will never happen. ;))

So here we go....
I hear a lot of parents complaining that they can’t manage to get out of the house on time to get their kids to school. And by “a lot of parents” I mean mine. Of course all the bitching is usually aimed at the kid, when in fact it’s the moms and dads that can’t get their shit together.
If your morning routine becomes a daily F.U.B.A.R. take our advice…

1) Make mom lay out her work clothes the night before. Listening to someone whining they have ”nothing to wear” is beyond irritating. Here’s a tip: Who gives a shit what you wear?! Nobody at your job is checking your ass out.  And if you’re trying to ‘dress to impress’ you can give that a rest too…you’re a mom now, chances of you getting a promotion is pretty much nil.

2) Make sure they have their cellphone before leaving the house
You’d think they shoved it out of their own whoo-hoo…that’s how attached moms are to their cellphone. No matter how close you get to your school if that dummy forgot their “smart phone” you’ll be heading back home to look for it. Then you get to sit on the couch and watch while they tear apart the house and desperately “call” it from their land line AKA that other phone they never, ever use.

3) DON’T let them turn on their computer
Parents CANNOT keep track of time if they have their laptop open. Period. If you have any hope of leaving the house unplug their power source, type randomly on their keyboard or threaten to light yourself on fire. If they still won’t look up, make use of your down time and smear your mom’s favorite Body Shop lotion all over your baby dolls.

4.) Keys should be in the same place every time.  Serioulsy.. you lost them again? 
You'd think by now, parents would know after they unlock the front door, to set their keys in the SAME PLACE each time.  But no.  Here's a thought... use the little hook thing you bought for KEYS.  I don't know where they are... and no... I didn't hide them.

Basic principles.  Learn them... use them.  I'm sick of the craziness!


Kids.  Like they know everything. :)

the chair.

I often sit in my 5-year-olds’ room at night while she falls asleep. I think about the day.

Being there soothes my kids. That’s my excuse.
But being there soothes me, too.

My daughter wrestles with sleep like it’s a theological dilemma. If there IS sleep – and I’m not saying there is – how can I know that it’s intimately involved in MY life? … and … What’s the meaning of sleep, anyway? … and … Why does bad sleep happen to good people? 


I sit in a chair, a hard, perfect rocking chair that belonged to me a long while ago.  It’s the kind of sturdy chair that makes people say things like, “They just don’t make things like they used to.” My mom tells stories of reading happily in it when I was younger, both legs flung over an arm. My daughter uses it as a diving platform for jumping across her hot, raging lava floor and onto her bed.

The Chair has been repaired several times throughout the decades of its rich and long life, and one glance at it will tell you that it needs to be again. But I lack the resolve to make the change because I fear that the pursuit of beauty will somehow alter its character or release its soul or dilute its magic. And that will never do.

I sit in the almost dark, and I listen to Darya.
“Mom?” D says in her sturdy voice.
“Yes, Darya?”
“Why does lava bubble up from a volcano?”
“We’ll talk about it in the morning, Darya. It’s sleeping time.”
And a few minutes later…
“Mom?” Darya asks, wide awake.
“Yes, Darya?”
“When people go into outer space, they can’t breathe. That’s why they wear space suits. Right, Mom?”
“We’ll talk about it in the morning, Darya. It’s sleeping time.”
And a few minutes later we do it again.
And a few minutes later we do it again.
And a few minutes later we do it again.
Until I’ve said “Yes, Darya.” and “We’ll talk about it in the morning, Darya. It’s sleeping time.” at least four thousand times.

For a long time, I thought I should stop her at “Mom?”
But every once in a while, she whispers something that tugs at my heart.
“Mom?”
“Yes, Darya?”
“What’s that sound?”
It whistles as it blows. To me, it’s comforting, being warm and cozy inside while a storm rages. I’ve learned that the storm always rages, that it’s ever-present, that it’s part of life. And so I’ve learned to love it when there’s shelter and we’re all curled up together and safe at home. To Darya, though, the wind is a stark reminder that storms exist at all.
“It’s just the wind, baby. It’s just the wind,” I say, which soothes her for reasons I don’t understand.
I don’t want to miss these questions. These thoughts. So even though I tell her that we’ll talk about most things in the morning, I still keep my foot in the conversation door, not closing it on “Mom?”

“Mom?”
“Yes, Darya?”
“Are you going to leave?” She means tonight and as soon as I fall asleep.
And I have to say, “Yes, Darya. I’m going to leave.”

She’s sad. And I think the Chair is sad, too. And I know the mama in the story is sad. Because I am her. And I’m going to leave.

I don’t poo-poo her five-year-old fears at being left by her mama. I don’t tell her that she has a sister whose hand is a room away and ready for holding. I don’t suggest that she should be brave, because courage in the night is never an expectation I have of anyone at all. I don’t remind her that she ends up in my bed still every single night and that our minutes apart from each other will be few and fleeting.

Because I know that it’ll only be a short while – just a matter of the growing-up years – ’til I say, “Darya, are you going to leave?”
And she’ll say, “Yes, Mom. I’m going to leave.”
I pet the arm of my Chair, hand moving with the grain of the smooth wood.
Being there soothes my little girl. That’s my excuse.
But being here soothes me, too.
The Chair knows. I think she really does.

Sing out LOUD!

As many of my closest friends know... I will... in an instant... break out in song. Most of the time, it's while I'm on the phone with my BFF Michele... and it's usually a song she has never heard of and will shake her head in amazement while I belt out a few lyrics. In fact, she always stops me and asks "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SINGING?" However, if you ask her, it does always make her laugh. Objective. MET.

Guess what? Singing is actually GOOD for you!

Now it makes intuitive sense that singing is psychologically good, that it can elevate one's mood or provide an outlet for sadness. But, as I looked into it more, a growing body of science shows that not only is singing mentally healthful, it's also physically good for you.

Check it out:
It can improve the body's immune response.


In elderly people, it can reduce the use of prescription drugs, doctor visits and emergency room care.


The conscious breathing from the diaphragm involved in singing can itself reduce stress.


We all know stress effects the immune system. So it makes sense that when we do something that makes us feel good... the immune system recovers... and gives us a little boost! 


So... despite the fact that my voice is NOT awesome... and I often sing songs that most have never heard of.... it's something that's fun and enjoyable and will always bring a smile to the face of my friends. I will continue on my quest to be the next American Idol.. (ok.. not really).. .and I challenge you all to try it. I bet after singing ONE song.. you'll be in a superfantastic mood and want to pick up the phone and call one of YOUR friends to share the love.

So.... as I go about my day... I have Fun's "We Are Young" bouncing around my head... so drop what you're doing and sing along with me...



So if by the time the bar closes

And you feel like falling down

I'll carry you home




Tonight






:)

patience is......

If you don't know this about me already.... I’m the sort of person who likes things to happen quickly.  Like right now... this second.  I don't like to wait... ever.  I like things to be a certain way, and my kids to listen to me.  Simple.... right?  You'd think.

Ok... so “Patience” is definitely something I need to work on and really has never been part of my genetic makeup.  But, as I get older, I’m learning that the most important things in life take time – and often a LOT of effort.  Learning to be patient takes time, and somewhat paradoxically, it takes patience to learn to be patient.  I know... you're all laughing at me.... cause you KNOW just writing about being patient is irritating to me.  Ok.. deep breath.

Good things take time.... and as much as I don't enjoy waiting for ANYTHING... I'm stepping back and am promising myself to try to be more patient with myself and others around me.  Really.  My kids are my biggest patience tester, so I've come up with a plan.....let me know if you think it'll work. 

Count to 10. When I feel myself getting frustrated or angry, I'm gong to stop. Count slowly to 10 in my head.  I'm thinking if I count out loud to 10, my kids will learn quickly that this is a good sign to run away.  Either way is a win.

Pretend someone’s watching. I forgot where I read this tip (a couple places, I think), but I think it may be effective. I'm going to pretend I have an audience... like Johnny Depp.  I think I'd be less likely to overreact if someone’s there watching my every move.  Especially a sexy pirate.

Take a break. Often it’s best just to walk away for a few minutes. I'm going to take a break from the situation, just for 5-10 minutes, let myself calm down, plan out my words and actions and solution, and then come back calm as a monk.  (ok you..... Stop laughing.... )

Lastly.... Just laugh. Sometimes I need to remind myself that no one is perfect, (I most CERTAINLY am not!) that life should be fun — and funny. Smile, laugh, be happy.  I really do love to laugh.... so if you're going to irritate me...make sure you're funny.  :)

For life's BIGGER patience testers... I'm going to try to just try to remind myself of things that make me happy.  Like sunshine, Disney and my awesome family and friends.  If that doesn't work... my best advice to you...... just run.

wow.... it's been that long?

ok ok... it's 2012 and over a month since I've written anything.  Ya know... excuses excuses.  I could make up a million... and they'd all be pretty convincing.  Truth of the matter is...... yeah.... I've got nothin.


Those that know me are well aware that I thrive on procrastination.  I love doing things last minute... thrive on pressure.  Have been this way FOREVER.  Drives most absolutely crazy... yet intrigues them as well as to how I'm always able to pull stuff off without a hitch.  It's a talent... don't try it at home until you've mastered the art.  I've had my pitfalls... but with a positive attitude and a lot of smoke and mirrors.. I've become pretty good at it.

So let's talk about this.... procrastination.  Good or bad?


The most impressive people I know are all terrible procrastinators. So could it be that procrastination isn't always bad?

I looked online and most people who write about procrastination write about how to cure it. But this is, strictly speaking, impossible. There are an infinite number of things you could be doing. No matter what you work on, you're not working on everything else. So the question is not how to avoid procrastination, but how to procrastinate well.

So the way I look at it... there are three variants of procrastination, depending on what you do instead of working on something: you could work on (a) nothing, (b) something less important, or (c) something more important. That last type, I'd argue, is good procrastination.


That's the sense in which the most impressive people I know are all procrastinators. They're "C" procrastinators: they put off working on small stuff to work on big stuff.  What's "small stuff?" Roughly, work that has zero chance of being mentioned in your obituary. It's hard to say at the time what will turn out to be your best work (will it be your magnum opus on Sumerian temple architecture, or the detective thriller you wrote under a pseudonym?), but there's a whole class of tasks you can safely rule out: shaving, doing your laundry, cleaning the house, writing thank-you notes—anything that might be called an errand.so.... procrastination is good for your health.  And here's why:

Don’t Stress For Long - Instead of being stressed out about a deadline the day you get it, procrastinate and ball all the stress into one single night right before the due date. Why stress out for six days when you can stress out for one?

Nobody Likes a Worry-Wart - I mean, we all have our freak-out moments, but try to minimize them by getting the stress out of the way in one night and one night only.

More Time During The Day - By procrastinating you have more time to do the other things you need to do to get through the day. You know, things around the house. Throw some parties or go on a road trip.

Do The Work Later - Enjoying life now is more fun than enjoying it when you’re old and decrepit. Your body will thank you for not becoming all wrinkly and fidgety when you’re old. Plus your body can handle more strenuous activities when you’re young – like hang gliding, cliff diving, bungee jumping, kayaking, and ski diving.  I do them all the time!

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait - Hey, maybe you’ll win the lottery in the time you spent avoiding work.

Stress And Anxiety Cause Acne - It’s science. Look it up!

I know you're all shaking your heads (SMH! :)) and wondering if I should be on some type of anti- delusional medication.  Bottom line is.. I like being last minute.  I love starting dinner for 10 at 4:00 and kinda still not have the menu totally planned.  Throwing it all together at the last minute is refreshing... and FUN!  The fact of the matter is that we live in a go-go-go society where everyone is expected to be constantly running from one place to another, multi-tasking and working overtime. Our brains simply get tired out. MY worst procrastination occurs when I'm overtired and overstressed, which might indicate something. Could it be that avoiding work is the mind's way of telling us to slow down? Finding yourself vegging out in front of a stupid movie when you ought to be working on a last minute report is a good indication that you might need to stop cramming so much into your day. Saying no.... can be a good thing.

Bottom line... Procrastinating isn't bad. Avoiding the bigger issue to clear away the debris of a noisy mind is a positive and healthy thing to do. It'll make it a lot easier to start with the bigger things..... tomorrow. :)