kindness.

Today, I had a situation arise where one of my volunteers was angry.  She didn't like the situation she had to deal with... so she became nasty and started yelling.  At me and everyone around me.

Now those of you that know me... know how much I love nasty people.  Not.At. All.  I will never ever understand how people can be so mean. So, in the face of adversity, I chose to take the high road.  In the scheme of all that is real, is it really worth it to get upset with trivial things?  Nope.  

Now don't get me wrong, I had a few choice words for her... in my head. (And MAYBE out loud to my closest friends....) However, I kept smiling and killed her with kindness.  I'm sure it drove her completely insane, but... who knows.  She may have gone home a little happier than when she drove into the parking lot and almost ran me over with her car.  (Ok... Yes, I'm exaggerating.)

I don't care what people say.. it pays to be nice.

Now I’m no angel. Sometimes I do things that I’m not so proud of. For instance, I get frustrated with "customer service" and sometimes take it out on the person on the other line who has nothing to do with my problem. They’re just doing their job, directing me to someone else who can help me (so they say), but then I get redirected and redirected over and over again, and before you know it, I find myself upset with someone who did nothing wrong. 

I realize that this might make some people think you aren’t being genuinely nice if one does it hoping to gain something from the experience. However, the way I see it, everyone wins in this scenario. Studies have shown that it pays to be nice and that greater rewards come out of treating people well. 

However, if you can’t bring yourself to be nice for the sake of the other parties involved think of these reasons: 

Do you want your legacy to be that you were a jerk? (Plain and simple!)  Out of all the things you do in your life, people will remember the most how you treated fellow human beings. 

Secondly, life is too short to be nasty person. Do you really want to look back on your life and only remember treating people badly? Most likely not.

In the end, even those who treat you like you wouldn’t want to be treated MAY just change their tune if you send a little sunshine in their direction.  So smile.  And just be nice.  :)  

dance in the rain.....

It's been raining here in Buffalo since Saturday. It's dreary, cold and miserable. BUT... "Life is not waiting for a storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain." ~Vivanne Grenne

Many people believe they can only enjoy life to the fullest when they have a lot of money, are in a wonderfully romantic relationship, have a successful career, etc. Not so! Consider this: money does not buy happiness, it only makes misery more comfortable.

We do not have to wait for something or someone to 'happen to us' for us to feel worthy and capable of feeling happiness. In fact, until now, that way of thinking has allowed countless opportunities for happiness and positive personal growth to pass us by.

True happiness is not found in the 'whens' of life, it is found within us and is within our reach, here, now, today. If we learn to value and have a good relationship with ourselves, feel competent, (and be there for others), then we have what we need to enjoy life right now. Having the willingness to be open to new and different ways of viewing ourselves and embracing our ability to adapt to changes, (which are bound to occur), are vital to the process of finding and sustaining happiness.

Will we feel happy all of the time? No. However, next time you see clouds on the horizon, you can choose not to grumble about the impending storm. Instead, you can choose to enjoy it and view this as an opportunity to think, feel and do something differently.

Think about this: When we are young, dancing in the rain is fun and a perfectly acceptable form of behavior. I say it still is; both literally and metaphorically.

My friend Amy gave me a copy of this story a few years ago, and I think about it often whenever life gets me down.


The Trouble Tree

I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and after he had just finished a rough first day on the job, a flat tire made him lose an hour of work & his electric drill quit, his ancient one ton truck refused to start. As I drove him home, he sat in stony silence.

On arriving he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. Upon opening the door he had undergone an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do at the little tree.

"Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, those troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home and ask God to take care of them. Then in the morning I pick them up again." Funny thing is," he smiled", when I come out in the morning to pick them up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before."

So, plant yourself a trouble tree outside your front door-and use it whenever you come home. Be grateful that you have loved ones to go home to, even if your loved one is simply your beloved dog or cherished cat or prized goldfish.

And when you pick up your troubles on the way out each morning, be grateful that they're not as heavy as they were the night before.

Oh... and learn to dance in the rain. :)

my friends are my estate..... :)

As I sit and look at my "friends" list on Facebook... I wonder to myself... do I really have 220 friends?  Granted, some of them are my family.... but seriously... 220?  I don't think so.


So I looked for the definition of a true friend... and I found this:

A good friend will tell you what you want to hear.
A true friend will always tell the truth.

A good friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A true friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A good friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A true friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A good friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed.
A true friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A good friend wonders about your romantic history.
A true friend could blackmail you with it.

A good friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A true friend calls you after you had a fight.

A good friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A true friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A good friend has never seen you cry.
A true friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A good friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A true friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A good friend expects you to always be there for them.
A true friend expects to always be there for you.




I can put faces of my friends in each of these scenarios.  But how do you attract and keep true friends?  It's Simple: 

• First and foremost.... Be the friend you wish to have.  Simple.  
• Listen.  The art of listening is one of the most difficult arts to master.... a true friend always listens... and not just hears.
• Trust. If you treat others as good and trustworthy people, they will treat you likewise. Believe in your heart that people are naturally good, even when they seem to be the opposite. People will feel how you believe in them.
• Know the right time to do things. Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over. ~Gloria Naylor
  
  
  There are so many more things that I could say... but I'm sure you get the point.  Friendship is a very special gift,  one I used to take for granted.  In reality, friendship is a form of unconditional love.  It's given without restriction, without condition and without the expectation of anything in return.  Those of you who are true friends in my life... know it.  You're loyal and love me for who I am.... craziness and all.  Why?  Because you know I'm there for you night and day... with open arms for a hug, a true listening ear... and Girl Scout cookies.  :)

  

sleep on it.....

Today... was a really bad day.  Actually... this entire week hasn't been too thrilling.  Work is insanely busy.  Phone calls, e-mails, people in asking questions, work deadlines, COMPLETE craziness.  I feel like I can get nothing accomplished.  Just when I think I'm ahead.. I'm 14 steps behind.  I'm an emotional person.... I admit it.  Those closest to me know it... especially those closest to me at work.  (She knows who she is.)  She keeps me grounded... and isn't afraid to tell me I'm being an annoying bitch.  (And YES... she uses those exact words...)  Funny part is... she's always right... and is able to bring me back down to where I should be.  You really gotta love THAT kind of friendship.  :)

So here I sit... the entire house has gone to bed... and I am wide awake... thinking.  One thought in my head...  "Every action has a reaction."  Hummmm.... so true.  Think about it for a minute... bad days challenge us and all decisions that have the power to change lives for the better (or worse) call for a clear head.  Muddled minds and sluggish emotional thoughts make bad decisions and are quick to rash reactions.  So... here's a thought: For sharp thinking...and to remove some of the emotion.... nothing beats "sleeping on it." 

It's true.  I've read that your subconscience works on problems while you rest, and that's why solutions come easier in the morning.  Ya think so?  Could be.

Or is it that brain power is strongest after a good night's sleep?

Yeah... I need to know.  So... I googled it.  (Love that you can google anything at 10:30 pm... :))

There was a study done at the University of Florida  on the unexplored relationship between job satisfaction and the shifting moods of employees.  Employees who have stressful days bring their negative moods home with them at night, but in most cases, bad feelings disappear by morning.  Well duh.  I KNEW I should have been a doctor.

So let's try it.  I'm gonna go sleep on it.  Everybody has bad days.  Or bad weeks.  Tomorrow really IS another day.....

someone please stop the ride... I wanna get off....

Wake up.  Take a shower.  Make lunches.  Make coffee for Reza. Make breakfast. Catch up on FB news.. (yeah.. I know... ), wake the kids up.... five times. Argue over outfit choice for Mehri.  Try to get Darya to put on something weather appropriate (No honey, you cannot wear your bathing suit to daycare...), try to get myself ready.  Swear at my clothes for shrinking while I was sleeping.  Fight with my flat iron and hair.. and apply many coats of foundation to cover the dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep.. all while two kids try to sneak some of my makeup on while I'm not looking.  Throw in a load of laundry, pack up... grab keys... set house alarm aaaaaand.... GO.  Time to start my day.  All before 8am.

Sounds familiar to probably 90% of my friends.  The stress of being a mom.... and caregiver, and room parent and doctor organizer and bill payer and laundry washer and dinner maker and house cleaner and... and... and... and.... takes it's toll.  Add a full time job which happens to be my busiest time of the year...  a kid who suffers from severe asthma.... and a husband who works constantly.... it's enough to make me drink... heavily... EVERY night.

I am always running. I am always moving. There is simply so much to do and so little time to do it…. I began to think about all I do in a day and yet how much I also miss in my kids' lives when I refuse to do less.

On the other hand.... I love my work. It has enriched my life in ways that can't be measured. Every time I walk into my office I'm excited to get going. At the same time, though, I feel pressure. I've noticed that pressure hits its high point every day at about 3:30 p.m., when I start to feel the anxiety rising in my gut. Only 60 more minutes. I have so much to do. I'm way behind. Send that email, quick. Oh gosh, only 30 more minutes. What can I do in 30 minutes? Not much, at least not much that's done well anyway.

Do you have a time like that during the day, your own version of the 3:30 Anxiety Attack where all of your hats start competing for your attention and you feel overwhelmed and pulled in different directions? Is it when you are leaving work because you need to get home to your family but your boss wants you to stay to do something else because his or her boss needed it yesterday? Is it when you are playing with your kids but thoughts start creeping in about how you need to clean the house before so-and-so comes over? Is it when you're taking a shower and forget whether you've already washed your hair because you've been focused on composing blog posts or office memos in your head? Is it when you are so tired at the end of the day that you can barely manage a conversation with your spouse?

Sometimes I feel like I'm giving less than the whole me to everything that's important. I can't do it all. It's not possible to do it all. Yet I've been as yet unwilling to give up "it all."

Meagan Francis, author of the blog and forthcoming book "The Happiest Mom," says she's trying to do fewer things and do them better this year. In a recent blog post, she wrote this:
"I realized that I already know the things I need to do, which is different from all the things I could be doing. And here's the trick: It's more important to actually do those things that need to be done than to pursue the shiny new idea right around the corner ...

The truth is, every day brings with it plenty of opportunities for us to do better -- not perfect, but better -- at small, familiar things instead of chasing down the next new thing that will "make" us more: fulfilled, successful, better parents, more in shape. The more I try to do everything, the more elaborate a schedule I cook up -- the more I slack off, drop the ball, leave things hanging. Because I can't do everything and do it well."

Guilty as charged.

Meagan likens all of the options of things she can do to a buffet where everything looks so good you decide to pile your plate high, later regretting how much you ate and rummaging through the medicine cabinet for Pepto. That's me. I'm not sure how to stop eating, er, drinking from the fire hose, er, doing so much.

So... I'm going to try to slow down.  I'm going to disconnect at night.  (YES Michele... I AM)  I'm not going to worry about all I didn't get finished.  I'm going to enjoy life, my kids and all the peace and quiet that comes along with them.... :)

just be nice....

Negative people.  They're like human black holes that suddenly come out of nowhere and suck the life out of you.  You try to stay positive and remain strong.... but their negativity ends up completely draining you.  You feel exhausted.

Hard to believe, right?  You're not one of those people.  You're always happy.  You always have nice things to say.  You smile at strangers. 

You've been told to "be nice" since you were little.  But what does "be nice" mean as an adult?  Well.. first of all... smile.  For the most part, if you smile at someone, they won't do anything but smile back. 

Be courteous. Always say "please," "thank you" and "you're welcome."  Be patient, observant, and considerate. Treat people with respect. Even if you don't particularly like someone at first, they could end up being a really interesting and kind person. Don't forget "Excuse me" instead of "MOVE!". Remember: People aren't dogs or the ground you spit on, they are living beings like you. If you are respectful to that person, that person will have to act the same way.

Be sincere.  Don't be nice as a means to an end. If you just want to be nice so that you can gain preferential treatment, it's quite the opposite of being nice-it's deceptive, shallow and cruel. Be nice because you want to look back on your life and know that you were a nice person, no matter what. Be nice because you feel like you willingly want to.

Do those little things. Those little, everyday things, like holding the door for a someone you don't know, or smiling at someone who isn't always nice to you- those little tiny things that don't seem to matter much, but in the end, you come off as a much nicer person and you also show that you sincerely and genuinely care.

Always remember the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated.And respect them for who they are. don't change them. Even though some people may not be nice to you at first, they'll come around eventually.

Finally... if you're on Facebook... like this page:  JUST BE NICE.  It was created by a friend of mine... and is a great place to visit when you're having one of those days where you need a little "niceness."  Post your thoughts on the wall... and share it with all your friends.  Cause it's about time we're all just a little bit NICER to one another. <3

time keeps on ticking.....

The first day of school.... I remember it well.  We were all dressed in our little uniforms with blue knee socks and brand new shoes... ready to start the year.  I never understood why my mom was so happy for us to go back... until now.


Granted, I love my children more than life itself.  BUT... this summer, they were on my very last nerve.  Mehri is now sporting an attitude, and Darya... well... she's a little mini ME.  It's very scary... and I'm nervous about what she's going to be like when she's older.  I now apologize to my mom for everything I've ever done.  There... will that bring good Karma my way?? :)


Today... due to my smart thinking... I took the day off and had TIME.  Blocks of unfettered hours in which I could do, well, whatever I want.  I could spend some of it reading. Staring out a window. Exercising. Shopping. Eating. Mindlessly clicking. It’s my time. How do I want to use it?

Since so many of us have kids entering school–maybe for the first time–right now, I figured this would be a great opportunity to talk about TIME. How do you manage it so that it doesn’t slip away? How do you keep social media from overtaking your life? How do you fit in the things you want to do amid the things you need to do? How do you figure out the difference?

It’s so easy to sit down at your computer at 9 AM with big plans for what you want to accomplish, then stand back up at noon with nothing but a stiff butt and vague memories of Facebook conversations. In our day to day lives, it’s easy for your average Tuesday to just seem so ordinary. It’s hard to believe that anything special could happen today, or that it will matter much if you fritter it away. And yet, when you stop to think about it, our entire lives are made up of ordinary days just like this one.

Do you feel like you have “enough” time? What would it mean, to you, to have enough?  or.... Is there ever enough? :)

Whatever you did with your time today... I hope it made you happy.  Because as I look at the clock.. I see I only have a little bit of it left - so I'm off to enjoy every last second before the bus returns!  Enjoy!